How Empathy, Accountability, Growth, Listening, and Example Build Trust and Performance
After 31 years in the Air Force, from Airman First Class to Colonel, I’ve led teams ranging in size from 4 to 700. Now, I want to help small business owners build the same leadership practices that drove performance in a military environment.
Leadership isn’t about titles or corner offices – it’s about trust.
And trust? It’s built through five simple but powerful traits: Empathy, Accountability, Growth, Listening, and Example.
In my three decades of leading teams, as a fire team leader, flight commander, squadron commander, and staff director, I’ve watched these traits separate the good leaders from the great ones. Each trait strengthens the others. Together, they create the kind of leader people actually want to follow.
1. Leaders Need Empathy
Empathy is the “the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the emotions, thoughts, or attitudes of another.” (Dictionary.com)
But what does that actually mean when you’re leading a team?
Empathy in leadership isn’t about lowering your standards or dodging tough conversations. It’s about building trust by genuinely understanding your people.
My philosophy has always been simple: Take care of yourself. Take care of your family. Then do your job. In that order. Because if you’re worried about the first two, you can’t focus on the last one.
I once had two team members dealing with serious family challenges. I told them to take the time they needed to get things in order, and I didn’t care what their timecard said.
Real empathy looks like:
- Leaning into conversations and actually hearing what’s being said
- Stepping into someone’s shoes to understand their challenges
- Caring about the person, not just their output
- Balancing compassion with accountability so both people and results can thrive
Empathy doesn’t make you “soft.” It makes you trusted. And trust is what every high-performing team is built on.
Reflection: Have you seen empathy build (or break) trust on your team?
2. Leaders Need Accountability
Accountability is the backbone of trust. Without it, expectations get fuzzy and standards fall apart. With it, you build credibility, reduce stress, and strengthen your culture.
Here’s how great leaders practice accountability:
Set Clear Expectations
Vague direction kills execution. Use SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-Bound) and make sure everyone’s on the same page. Clarity reduces stress and drives alignment.
Own Your Mistakes Publicly
Accountability starts at the top. I once misjudged a tense situation between two employees that crushed morale. When I spoke to my team, I told them I thought I could handle the situation myself, but that I was wrong. That the resulting low morale was my fault and that I wanted to fix it. My secretary told me afterwards that an employee commented he’d never seen a Colonel do that and how it positively affected him.
When you admit your mistakes first, you model humility and create a culture where people can learn.
Hold Others Fairly to Standards
Standards don’t mean anything if you apply them inconsistently. Fairness protects trust.
Accountability isn’t about pointing fingers. It’s about clarity, humility, and fairness. When you model it, your team doesn’t just perform better. They trust you more deeply.
Question: How do you show accountability when things don’t go as planned?
3. Leaders Need to Grow
Leadership is a journey, not a destination.
Growth starts with you, but it extends to everyone following your lead.
Seek Feedback and Improve Yourself
The best leaders ask for feedback from everyone, even the most junior team members. The courage to ask and the humility to act on it? That’s what makes growth contagious.
Invest in Your Team’s Skills
Training shouldn’t be just an HR checkbox. It’s about readiness. Ask where your team wants to be in two years, then help them get there.
I once had a civilian deputy who was content to finish his Air Force Reserve career in his current role. After several conversations about what he really wanted from his military career, he applied for and was selected for command and I attended his change of command ceremony. Investing in people’s growth doesn’t just help them. It creates leaders who multiply your impact.
Encourage Learning from Failure
After every project or mission, don’t ask “Who’s to blame?” Ask “What did we learn?” That one shift turns fear into resilience.
Growth = Feedback + Development + Resilience.
If you’re not growing, you’re holding your team back.
Reflection: What’s one way you’ll invest in growth, yours or your team’s, in the next six months?
4. Leaders Need to Listen
Early in my career, I thought being a good leader meant having all the answers. Turns out, it meant asking better questions and actually listening to the responses.
I learned this the hard way. More than once, I would be tasked by my boss with a small project, and I’d complete it as I understood it, without asking clarifying questions. That didn’t always work. Within this last year, I built a risk analysis that didn’t quite match my boss’s intent. The lesson? My assumptions of his ask missed the mark.
Real listening looks like:
- Leaving your phone outside the meeting room
- Noticing when someone’s body language doesn’t match their words
- Resisting the urge to jump in with your solution before they finish talking
One phrase that changed everything for me:
“What I hear you saying is…”
It’s simple, but it’s powerful. It prevents misunderstandings and shows people you’re really hearing them.
The quietest voice in the room often has the deepest insight. When you make space for those voices, performance and innovation follow.
Takeaway: Leaders who listen longest, lead strongest.
5. Leaders Must Lead by Example
Your people will forget most of what you say but they’ll remember everything you do.
You set the tone for integrity, consistency, and how to stay calm under pressure. When you model these things, your team mirrors them back.
Model integrity and professionalism – Do the right thing every time and show up prepared.
Demonstrate consistency – Predictability builds trust; inconsistency destroys it.
Show resilience under pressure – Your composure becomes their confidence.
Your example is the loudest message your team will ever receive.
Challenge: What behaviors are you modeling today that your team will mirror tomorrow?
Final Thought
Great leadership isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being intentional.
I’ve talked with several small business owners who want to grow but can’t find the time to think strategically. They’re stuck doing the day-to-day tasks. The solution isn’t working harder. It’s building a culture of trust so you can delegate confidently.
That’s where these five traits come in:
- Lead with empathy.
- Stay accountable.
- Keep growing.
- Always listen.
- And most importantly, lead by example.
After three decades in the Air Force, I’m now working with small business owners to develop these leadership practices in their teams. My approach is simple: focus on your people over profit. That shift builds trust. When employees trust their leaders, they perform. That’s when profit happens. It’s a consequence of good leadership.
If you’re a business owner wondering how to build a stronger leadership culture or free yourself from the day-to-day grind, I’d love to have a conversation. Sometimes an outside perspective makes all the difference.